Tuesday, February 8, 2011

.... sweet unknown.

...candlelight flickers tonight as I sit here. Sitting here as I have done many times over the years. Seeing which thoughts surface first. Digging deep for some while others are in plain sight and easily fit into my mood. Subject matter varies as much as my outlook on life, but over the last few weeks things have changed and a new direction has been given me to travel. A transitioning from goodbye to hello seems to be the dominant flow and for once I let the current carry me instead of fighting it. Scenes drift by with memories in tow. Warmth radiates deep within and for once the chill of "what if and if only" are nowhere to be felt or found. Allow me my day in the sun as the darkness has for so long remained a cold heavy cloak to bear. I venture deep into myself as light now enables further inflection of areas of the heart that have been locked away. Pain can be a powerful deterrent from opening up, trusting and healing. so much easier to lock away, toss the key and begin erasing memories as you retreat into a safer place of the heart and mind. As for the heart and mind? Both have been silent..til now.

The heart for one speaks of the reality that it finds itself in. Questioning the genuineness of the moment. It begs the moment to be true and not a foolish game, concerning this matter. It remembers as if only yesterday it was trying to comprehend what wonderful gift was being given it. Then pain that quickly ensued later as all come crashing down and no shelter was given to shield it. Scars remain to today and are never far from remembrance. Wanting to believe it watches, waits...
The mind as always tries to be the one to rationalize all and guide both, but now? Nothing. Amazed as much as the heart they both stand in awe. It can offer no rebuttal to what it sees and feels, as it's just as surprised that this moment has arrived. Expected and desired day after day year after year, but when it does finally appear into your life the feeling is unforgettable as you are taken into somewhere so precious...

sweet unknown.

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