Saturday, February 5, 2011


....someone left a comment in a previous entry about not to "fall to hard to fast". I must agree in this case, probably more than all others in the past. Seems my life has been a tragedy of sorts, but then again blessed in so many ways. Rain must fall in every one's life and mine is no different nor more special than the next persons. What is special is that which I have been allowed to find. Almost two years ago I thought I had found that special someone, proposed, only then to find out the deep evil that resided inside her. Something that was so well hidden and never expected. Since that day she has moved from one person to the next, leaving a trail of lies, deceit. Yes, I was played by a real professional. What I didn't expect was for that to put me in such a non trusting state after the dust had settled. I didn't trust myself nor anyone and this bothered me greatly as I wasn't that type of person. Yet I couldn't heal for some reason as the days past by. So I began to withdraw into myself, gazing out through the prison walls I had constructed.

Then?.......silence sets in and a deep numbness envelops the heart soul and spirit. I tried to date, get up and out the place where I was. Met wonderful people but something inside wasn't right and I guess I was fooling myself. Hurting people, as I wasn't ready for what was being offered.

Time passes..........Then on a day not unlike any other someone says "hello" and then and there everything changed. Cant explain it and I am not going to try. But I cant help but feel this is a gift from God. Yes, there is a connection that runs deep and it wasted no time in seeing how deep inside it could go. Places inside my heart that have been locked away for the last decade or more are now open and the sun pours forth into places long closed. Yes, I have fallen and I offer no apologies for this. Once in my life long ago I loved, found that which I sought and then lost. Now? This I have learned, the greater the joy the greater the pain. I am wiling to pay the price for happiness as anyone should be. So while I may have fallen hard and fast, can you blame me? You try it and see how easy it is.. I still retain my wits and composure though it all, looking at whats before me and it hasn't looked this promising, felt so right in a many years..

Our last time together, I held her close, held her tight. The only thing beyond the thankfulness in my heart of having her in my life, was the single thought of....


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