Tuesday, September 14, 2010

full circle...

Slowly moving through the month of September. The cool weather has yet to make its presence felt but that's ok, its getting closer day by day. The look of the season is all around. Pecan leaves are starting to fall off the trees and some trees are even hinting at changing color already. Its way to early for this but its been very dry so this is the outcome. This doesn't bode well for my trip to the mountains to shoot pictures of the Fall colors... I have found it difficult to place into words the thoughts that roam around in my brain. This drives me insane as it gives me little respite to get them out and put onto the screen before me. Been a while since I have really been able to release thoughts that can offer a cleansing of the soul and heart. Guess I know the reason for the bottleneck of emotions I seem to be in the middle of. (more on this in a minute). Its been almost 3 years since I became single once again and frankly I am surprised I have remained as such this long. At my age you quickly know what you like and don't like and what makes you happy. So whats created all the confusion this latter part of the year..??

The issue at hand is that even though I have met some wonderful women, circumstances with each one has been beyond my control thus I am ruled against by fate each time, once again. This proves frustrating but all you can do is take it as a message and to move on. Maybe I need to move on far enough to find some unfamiliar surroundings and start from scratch. The easy way is to withdraw and withdraw deep. The down side to this is that after a while you get to comfortable being withdrawn and depression sets in..I have been there once long ago and it seems we are knocking on the door once again..Images of ones who graced my presence and took my heart pass before me..Tonight, for the first time they are honored by name....
Leesa, your deep blue eyes and mischievous smile stole me away one Spring in the mountains of Alabama. Today I am so blessed to be able to still call you a friend a decade later and to see you finally found your true happiness makes it all an incredible journey.
Lynette, you came along when I wasn't expecting anything and took my heart and showed me how to heal. Never forgetting the riddle you asked me by the river east of Thomaston Ga. I still have that blue tin cup as a reminder of my answer to you. Where you are today I have no idea, but the heart remembers.
Amy, The "one" who all were measured by for such a long time. No one ever came close to what you were and I never moved on years after I said "goodbye"..Finally closure did come in the end and I was able to close the chapters that you wrote inside my heart on a daily basis. Its nice to see you have found so much more than I could have ever given you. You are truly blessed.

Have I found someone who could be placed in the names above me? Maybe, but time will dictate who and when. I have never been one to show patience but sometimes you are forced to show it and endure many things before holding the prize that you seek..So for now the door will be shut and I find a comfortable place within myself, awaiting for what dreams may come.

..full circle.

No comments: