pause..

Busy with work and well more work....more postings later as there is lots inside trying to get outside..sometimes things need to simmer a bit before they are ready..

Rick..

thoughts turning inward..

Sorry for the lack of updates. I have been on vacation for a week and will be heading back home in the morning. This trip for photography was very relaxing. It was nice to do nothing, have no schedule but that of my own making. Met up with old friends and met new friends as well. For the most part it was me alone, roaming back roads, looking for pictures, thinking and pondering my future as I so often do on these trips. Nice to clear the head from time to time. This time I get to see many happy faces and look within myself. I am happy, content, but yet there is a big hole in my heart. I try to cover it up, ignore it, live with it, deal with it..Sometimes you just stare at it..It ain't going anywhere, you just wonder when it will be filled. I know it will be filled one day and I am looking forward to it, its just that sometimes a hug goes a long way when there is someone there to give and receive one in return. Sometimes that's all a person wants...Some days are harder than others..some days you wonder when you will get your happy ending.

ghosts...

Went back to a place I thought I would never go back to..Had some business in the area and it was the best place to stay. Ten years ago I quite a bit of time here in this small city, happy, content and was about to move on into a normal life. Met a beautiful young woman from here and decided to move her closer and get married, thus beginning a beautiful life together. Shortly after she moved down I received a email stating she couldn't see me anymore and then she vanished. No explanation or anything. Years go by and here I am again. After I finished work today I rode the back roads. Seeing places and remembering a few. Revisited the park where we watched the river flow slowly by and planned for our future together. Stood and shot pics where we had done the same thing years ago. Seeing a ghost of my former self, younger, naive, in love. Ten years is a lot of time and things change as I have changed. While making my way to a place I wanted to photograph this evening, I glanced at a passing road sign and remembered that it was the road her mother lived on. I slammed on brakes and sat there..Wondering, thinking..Should I? Well I backed up and made the turn and drove towards her home. I wasn't sure if I was going to stop or not. I really didn't feel nervous or have any sense of foreboding. As I approached the home I could see the unkempt yard and the vacant house with a "for sale" sign out front. There was my answer..that I wasn't going to get one..

As I said, it was a long time ago. But it was the one event in my life that I still have no answer for. I know, forget about it. Probably never will. Somehow I feel something deep inside changed today....closure, or at least as close as I can get...let the ghost finally rest and rest in peace..

life..

Sitting here thinking tonight how good my life is right now. Shedding of negatives in my life and concentrating on things that really matter for a change. Not really needing anyone in my life, content finally. Sure, it would be nice to have someone but that will come soon enough. Concentrating on enjoying the journey as the destination comes soon enough.

God is good...

Why....Pt 2

As I mentioned in another entry why cant people be just truthful and up front when it comes to dating. I also had to do a retraction somewhat for not being nice and not knowing the whole story. BUT when I do know the whole story and see that i was blatantly played?? I blog about it. So, with this being said..... Why is it so hard to say... "I am already seeing someone, thanks.

Translation: "Oh I am sorta seeing someone, but I was going to see if I you might be a better catch. But I have decided to just date him exclusively and not tell you but let you read on Face Book that I am in a relationship and let you find out that way even though me and you were supposed to be going out this weekend. I know I should have told you,I am so sorry."

Well hon you are a real catch to begin with aren't you...Exactly what I am NOT looking for in a person.

No, don't be sorry for not telling me, be sorry for the fact you cant be open, honest and truthful...Spare me the show,the song and dance and pony show...Women can blame men for playing games, but sometimes I believe they are the ones who wrote the rulebook. Not going on the date doesn't bother me one bit. Its the part about being played that gets stuck in my crawl..I thought this ended when I graduated high school. But some people never grow up..