Sunday, August 5, 2018

...sitting on the moon.

I'm sitting on the moon watching planet blue, hello..
Looking all around rotating without sound, where are you?
Where are you? I'm sitting on the moon. Where are you?
I am missing you.
 
I came from very far
A little unknown star, hello...
I don't know what to do it is so cold and blue, without you....where are you?
Where are you? I'm sitting on the moon. Where are you? 
I am missing you..
 
 
Who are you?

Monday, July 9, 2018

...Wayfarers Journey.

Tonight with the ebb and flow of thoughts mixed with memories of the recent and not so recent. Mistakes of years past and now of days recent I carefully and humbly read the lessons written before me...for me only.. Feeling frustrated that nothing is as it once was. Tonight an epiphany of sorts. Wayfarers journey began a long time ago with the purpose of finding someone. Finding the person I was meant to be with but finding out I have been doing it all wrong and for so long. Now I find it hard to move forward and finally realize it is due to me finally throwing out the script I always went by. Now, I have no plan, no guide nothing before me and I am slowly walking forward in the dark it seems. Having to use other senses than a biased sight and wreckless heart and now find myself scrutinizing every step before taking it. I am so use to forging ahead, blindly thinking that I know what I am doing. Time has moved on at its pace and I, having stayed the same, have now changed. I have grown cold and withdrawn and all by my own deeds. Realizing and seeing this tonight may be a step in the right direction that has been finally taken. Standing outside a fallen fortress of solitude. Images of things once wanted, scattered around the debris of the heart and mind. Questions now bring their full voice to bear. I listen and begin to doubt everything I feel now or have felt....except a certain smile, embrace and final goodbye from long ago. For this I watch the compass swing north and another slow step is taken. Wayfarers Journey...   

Sunday, June 24, 2018

...waiting


 Standing still. A memory of solitude has come and now refuses to leave. Eyes closed tightly but yet a single tear manages to escape, betraying the heart and what its thinking, feeling, hurting. It isn't a matter of where or when or who, but only of "now." Thoughts pass by and epiphanies come and go but not one offer a answer or solution, only more questions. The mind and heart haven't spoken to one another for quite sometime now. Pride, hurt, fear, really doesn't matter anymore does it? Trying to trust again trust myself, but the silence is so deafening from this end. The storm inside rages on and I pull this cloak a little tighter, enduring..waiting for daylight. Waiting for you...just wish I knew who you were.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

...still here.

 A beautiful afternoon spent traveling around looking at the rolling countryside taking pictures. The sun begins to slip toward the horizon and I have yet to find a spot to shoot my ending images for the day. Then I remembered a perfect spot to shoot from. the warm evening air feels good blowing across the fields. As the sun goes down the nightlights began to twinkle on, you pull me off to one side and began to point out the lights of small towns several miles in the distance. You name the places now visible by eveningfall and the lights coming to life.... A train eases past us on a nearby track, having sneaked up on me and I complain as I am not set up for it and miss the shot. You smile at me, amused, and I cant help but laugh at myself. The train slowly moves on and fades into the darkness, its whistle announcing it has finally made it home and will rest. The stars are coming out one by one. I stand still and look at the beauty that is before me, reliving the day. I turn to you and you simply stare at me with a subtle smile, hand resting on my arm and then........

A entry from back in February 3rd of 2009. I still remember that dream as if I had just awakened from it. To this day I still do not know who she was. She still graces my dreams. Still a mystery.

...still here.  

Sunday, March 4, 2018

...lost.

Almost two months since my last entry. I once put words to "paper" almost every night and without hardly an effort. Tonight? Standing still this evening watching a moon slowly rise out my window. Thoughts come and go and in no particular order other than reminders of a life of "if only". Wanting to forget this last year and start over but that is something we aren't allowed to do. We stop, reassess and slowly move forward. Trying to find my direction as something is amiss and I cant put my finger on it.. Frustrating... So many things to say, images coming to mind in search of a caption, a perfect phrase. Tonight like so many so many nights I do not know how to put things in order,  from my thoughts to here. Then the moment of realization...


I have lost my muse.