Dont read to deeply, you may become lost like me....

Thursday, August 17, 2017

..Waiting silently

Tonight finds my mind and heart at odds with each other. No surprise as this is a constant in my life. More times than not when they are at odds there is a peace of some sort but peace is long gone. Wounds that refuse to heal, exacerbated by costly and foolish mistakes made one to many times. Frustrated at my inability to move forward. An ordinary life seems so elusive and seems to be a nonexistent choice for me. This year has flown by so quickly and I have nothing to show for it other than more scars. As the days have passed it seems my drive and energy have passed with it. The open road is calling in a few days with photography work and sadly I have to force myself to do that which I once loved and lived for. Is it the need for someone to be with me or the need to be needed or to have someone regardless? Having mistaken love for lust one to many times and again pieces of me are taken and wasted. In the end its nobody's fault but mine. Trying to slowly calibrate over time and see what is real and what is not real. Finally reaching the point in my life that I have clue what I am doing. At this point in my life I have no direction, no true north. 

Waiting silently.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

...exit stage right.

Only appearing when never looking or that's what the heart tries to convince the mind of. The mind has no choice but to follow where the heart leads. Something new something, undiscovered and the intoxicating journey begins anew. Elsewhere the sting of simple words and awkward situation, knowing the truth before they were spoken. Lesson I needed to relearn. Expecting to much from someone and not enough from myself? No, just a bit of hope misplaced. Hope is a dangerous thing regardless of the intent. Finally taking time to fully and truly realize that my desired outcome was not shared, so no more putting myself into this position again. Placing myself into something where it shouldn't have been, as it was never there to begin with. All my expectations, large and small and also unfounded. Never the right time, stars not aligning, so many reasons come and go and now its just time for me to go. That decision was made for me and needfully so. Time to separate the mind and heart and watch the scenery pass by for a while. Wayfarers journey indeed.

 Exit stage right.  

Friday, June 30, 2017

Friday, January 27, 2017

...a wayfarers journey.

Warming by a fire within. Now as the fire dies, another memory is gently added to bring back its radiance and warmth. Watching the memory slowly consumed and then another to replace it. Goodbyes and greetings, letting go and letting in. Wayfarers journey indeed. Distant smiles, laughter and the compass slowly swings north. Each step brings me farther from the known and closer to the unknown. Memories seeking an audience with the heart but it no longer heeds their call and silently looks on at the passing landscape. The mind, silent as well, watching and knowing that so many miles have passed, each a memory in its own right and so many yet to be made, now beckon from beyond a distant horizon. Time. It must be given for such a perfect work, then all will be answered. For the first time in a while, a subtle smile. 

...a wayfarers journey

Tuesday, January 17, 2017 more.

..risking it all in a glance. Something catches the inner eye, a fleeting image of something lost long ago or maybe something now found again. Wondering still and wandering as much. Seeking a true and final north for my compass, a home for the heart. Reliving the past over, reminded of what I walked away from when I should have stayed. Now, to seek answers or find all the questions I need to ask. Fate, coincidence or just another moment to be lived and then allow it to fade away, a sweet memory and it be yet another new lesson learned. Intrigued as to what is slowly coming into focus into view. Time bids me to wait with patience and I complain not as I expect so little these days. More familiar to pain from my mistakes but for now a gentle voice, trusting bit by bit.
   Silently nursing wounds caused by an all too familiar mistake from me. Trying to think a future can be built on memories from the past. The heart convinced in its ability to do so, the mind silent, knowing the outcome and knowing the heart not to be rational and listen. Regardless what the heart feels I knew I was in the wrong, but still tried even knowing the probable outcome. Selfish in doing so and rightfully bearing another scar for it. Reaching out while going under. Chaos subsides and finally a sense of balance now restored, moving forward to the last page. Memories so bittersweet are read and still cherished. But now the cover slowly closes as the final chapter has been written with the final verse carved into stone.

 There Is No "Unfinished Business" Any Longer. more.