Thursday, December 29, 2016 need.

.. watching another moment in time come to pass. New year ahead and with it challenges and uncertainty. In hindsight nothing changes, except I am older and finally thinking I understand the mistakes I have made and brought me to this point in life. Much time it has cost me and so much of me has been lost as well. My writings would come a lot easier and now I face the realization that I am empty. All that's felt now seems impossible to put into words like I once did with ease. In the final tally of "he said/she said" its my fault. Borrowing happiness each day and running a tab up of "what may be one day." A jar of hearts was something I found myself collecting years ago. In the search for my happiness it slowly turned into something selfish and self centered, not realizing the hurt I was causing. I guess what I gave then, I now receive in return. Its understandable and deserving to be here considering that. Seems so much is clear to the mind and heart. Both silent, humbled and alone. I have written about many things over the yeas but never from a position I find myself in now. A ship with no anchors or anchors dragging with nothing to grab hold of. At this point the verdict isn't in but the result is the same. So many names over the years and I blamed so much on so many when the blame was a lot closer to home in most cases, looking at me from the mirror. I have been my own worst enemy, more so than I could have realized. need.

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