People have come and gone in my life and even now there are those that seek my attention and affections. I have tried to move forward, to begin the healing process one smile at a time. But tonight I have realized that I cant. I am wounded and I am trying to rush the healing process. Lessons from years past will serve me well and one being time heals all. You cant speed up the process but you can hinder it greatly and will live the same hurt over and over again. Love was found and lost to recently. The feelings and moments still linger, though no chance of returning remains as I will never allow such hurt again. Choices doubly made render all questions answered. Yes love remained and slowly fades as the days come and go.
For the first time in my adult life I am afraid. I am afraid to even contemplate being happy or finding another. I have no desire for it it now and this bothers me greatly. But the mind and heart agree it isn't in their power to change this. Until the loss and regret subside I cant nor have room inside for another. I have tried, tried to open my mind and heart. Using a rationale of sorts. Telling myself it was never what I thought it to be. Nothing more than a mere illusion. But I need to begin shutting down for the foreseeable future. Solitude is being sought and will be found. Smiles shall find a place one day but for now all is becoming quiet as locks are being placed and memories, moments are being locked away........ Love has, in all its pureness....
....no place here now.

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