Monday, March 7, 2011

......just an image. sheer chance a solitary image passed my way today. By chance nothing more, it came. The image of a person who I said goodbye too long ago, the inspiration that created this blog. Even now my pulse raced and it slammed into my heart like a ton of bricks. Why? Love has a way of doing that to you, even now after all this time. When there is no one to create moments with , memories are all you have to fight back with. A feeble battle indeed as the heart is laid waste and the mind reels with "what ifs" and "if only." Slowly everything comes back into focus and a smile passes my lips and thankfulness for her happiness as she has so much more than I could have gave her. Even though a huge hole has never been filled since that day, I have managed somehow. A simple goodbye took everything and became an abyss that has consumed me a little each day. A gentle tug that still resonates after all this time. A voice from somewhere beckons me to continue. Closure came and went but the heart still waits, wanting and wounded. March has always been a month of remembrance but also of discovery. But this year I feel not the fortitude needed and this troubles me greatly. Solid ground hasn't been trod under my feet in quite some time. The mind, falling back into remembering when and the heart joins in this chorus and a slow spiral ensues. Somewhere you will find me, but just don't take your time...So many lines of thought to follow tonight but still I hold back for now...thoughts are all I have now for the foreseeable life I have...Just a life, just a moment in time.

...just an image.

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