Wednesday, February 16, 2011

...within, without.

...Clarity dances with time, flowing at their own whim their own pace. One would think after being in the position in life it would get easier after a while, but it doesn't. Finding less inside to pull from as I feel slowly drained. Giving more than receiving in life I guess. Wanting something to much is as bad as not having it. Balance must be found. To much happiness can be maddening or it would seem in my life. Journey to my "fortress of solitude" is nigh. The underlying thought, question is that will I return from it. The need to put things behind me and into perspective. Sometimes I really doubt if I am to be truly happy. The past has remained a true predictor of my future so far. Reading my last several entries I feel a foolish for allowing such indulgences of the mind and heart. Composure needs be placed and in liberal amounts on the heart and mind. Both moving to quickly in the onset and now finally allowing reasoning to catch up. slower pace, allow to see whats before you and the landscape around me. The journey will end one day but maybe I am not ready for it to be and I just haven't been realizing this. Discovery awaits but not by my hand....
I am tired within and without deeply. Tonight there is bitter sweetness, the memories that were never given a chance to be made, promises that were never allowed to be kept. If this is so, then why do I remember them and feel them still? Why am I hurting tonight?

....within, without.

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