missing in life...

...when I divorced my first time long ago I found a world of wonder and excitement. I was young, naive in so many ways and adventures awaited around every corner, every embrace of the senses. I spent so much time wasting precious energy and emotion on what I thought I wanted m life. Years go by I meet another and a new life begins. This life began teaching me many things I needed and to give me some bearing and purpose. Sadly in the end it was not meant to be and once again I was wounded and alone. But this time I had knowledge and some wisdom about me or so I thought. Years had passed and I counted myself the wiser and knew just what to do in life now. The only problem being that while I stayed inside a new world of my own, the real world was changing into something I would not recognize once I returned. But I counted myself resourceful and adaptable to the brave new world I was entering. But it wasn't a friendly environment awaiting its prodigal son with outstretched arms and I found myself thinking back to 12 year before. Alone, hurt and not knowing which way to turn. So now 3 years later I find myself no closer to the truth and hurt deeper than I could have imagined. I never expected this to be my hand but the cards don't lie.
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So today I go through the motions, the emotions. Each breath a reminder of where I am at and how much it seems that I am lost and haven't a clue on where to go from here. Many "wayfarers" have crossed my path, each with their own story and each with no destination in mind other than to keep searching, keep hoping. Do I really know what I want? Yes, but finding it is something I have no control over. No rain on the horizon and my soul is so thirsty. Maybe I am living in a fairytale and expect to much in this life. This I know to be true. That once in my life I looked into the eyes of what I was searching for. I held a dream in my arms as tears washed away any evidence of the pain I had endured. And now for reasons all to apparent and all to familiar to me since that day, I said goodbye. Since that day 8 years ago I have been only one thing to myself...

.....missing in life...