Thursday, July 1, 2010

by a thread...

..standing at the edge of my sanity it seems, as the days come and go. An epiphany of sorts. The closer I have come to finding my "forever" the more hurt befalls me. Faces and places pass before me and I am not allowed to interfere. Voices from my past whisper reminders of insecurities forgotten and now brought back to remembrance as if a cruel test is being taken once again. A mental threshold tested over and over until numbness replaces all feeling an emotion. Pulled in different directions and resistance is slowly ebbing. One moment in a day can change all but those moments have been few and far between on this pathway. Not looking for it nor expecting it as I find myself just wanting to be alone and embrace the solitude. Sometimes all you have is a smile, a placing of the hand against the glass pane to feel the forbidden warmth radiate from the other side. Never being allowed to partake of, but only to behold what another neglects and never cherishes. A smile offered in return and encouragement to continue while I shatter once and again, deep inside. Days to weeks to months and I stand alone and wait. Holding on and holding out... a thread.

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