fade away...

Searching, hoping for the familiar. It has remained far away from my grasp. To valuable a prize to be afforded me so it would seem. Rain falling quietly outside and on the inside, washing away everything but your memory. I held on as long as I could, as long as was allowed. I should have left the stage long ago. But the heart seeks to rule the mind and so it was with you. Nothing good ever comes from such an arrangement. Putting on the brave face and portraying the strong character isn't going to work this time. It hurts..Deep dull ache. I curse myself as I knew this would be the outcome. Regardless of words, deeds, promises made promises broken, this is the ending this is the final result. And yet it is I who says "Goodbye"and must walk away again. I cant explain how weary of this I have become. Excuses prove the easy shelter to hide under. Steppingstone, lesson in life, whatever I am to be it will be no more for you. Your memories come to haunt me tonight and they do this so well. Such a stark contrast to what I felt then and what I feel now. But it is best and it is meant to be. Sometimes you give all and all isn't enough, but we knew this in the beginning didn't we. Closure is what I guess I found that afternoon with you. Somehow I guess I knew that would be the end and fittingly so. Slowly locking away the memory of each second, each minute with you. Locks that have no key as no opening will be needed or allowed. The single most hurtful thing that rings true in my mind is this. "Goodbye" was the right thing to do, but it escaped your lips to quickly.