already gone...

Some things you go through and you are never the same, you remember every bit of the triumph tragedy, love and loss. Time passes and the bitterness of battle fades to leave the imaginary haze of a forgotten happiness. Fast forward through a life and for a few breaths I think I have eluded my past, my failures of of another time, another person that I was. Places in my heart once abundant with light now seem to grow dim and cold. Today I was reminded that it was I who said goodbye and it was I that could not hold on. It was I that didn't possess the fortitude to hold on a little longer, fight a little harder. If for a moment in time this week, finding that which I had sought for, dreamed about and to slowly, needfully let it go. Seeing where my heart was were heading, the mind screaming common sense . Swept up in this madness, this bittersweet feeling, I never thought I would feel this pain again. The last time was a lifetime I have carefully locked away deep inside. I dare not open it but still run my hands across the door, still feeling the warmth radiating from behind. I feel as if I have no future with anyone.. "With no future it is easy for the heart to reach back and seek what it had. The mind must reign in this wanderer. The heart must not rule the mind. Once this happens it is more addictive than any drug. The chase, the pursuit of what you think you want. I lived a life like this a long time ago. I am not that person now. Even so, the eventual outcome is still the same, even today... broken lives, broken hearts, wasted time and spirit.".The wing dips and the slow spiral begins...