Sunday, November 15, 2009

flame flickering...

...finally get back into the groove of work and company photo work. I have traveled many miles here in the South over the last month and this has offered a nice chance to think, ponder my life and try to see where I am headed..Still haven't a frekkin clue..LOL! Sad ain't it..Got a plan though..Once this company work is over I plan to relaunch my photography and videography business, redo my website and hitting the gym (pump eet up!)...Film at 11..;-)

Back to the life as I know it for now. With this being said I will say that I have hit a wall of sorts. I have been dating different women from time to time. Nothing serious but its nice to get together and have lunch, dinner or even play a round of golf. These women have been very attractive, no doubt they have several young bucks in contention for their affections. But for some reason I cant get myself to get into gear. Sure, I mentioned in an earlier entry that I was happy at being single and content where I am at. But lately it seems that something is amiss..I cant seem to get into the date mode like I used too. I seem to enjoy being alone more. Not really wanting anyone around. But yet there's the other half of me, wanting that special someone in my life and would really like to have that person now thank you very much. I feel like a person who is split in half, two opposites in the same body. Its like having the brakes locked down...This is really starting to annoy me. But we all know its not something you can rush or dictate what happens..But after a while you at least want to be a participant in all this and not watch from the sidelines.
What is wrong with me? Once I reveled in the "hunt", the "chase" and the elusive prey that was always just out of my grasp. Years pass and I stood amazed at the beauty that stood before me and fell with all my heart as I was the one "captured", wanting noting more. Have I forgotten what it feels like?

Today all I have is a dream. A dream where you reside and I can only visit and eveningfall. This week you came twice and stayed far longer than you should have and yet I still have no idea who you are. What dreams may come will suffice for now, but there is always hope of what might be....what has to be....for me.

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