Wednesday, August 6, 2008

more thoughts..

Nothing eloquent tonight, just thoughts from here and yonder.

I think the hardest part of this dating world is the fact of just being pulled into two different directions. The first part is getting your bearings and moving on with your life. The new found freedom to do what you want, when you want and how you want. The second part is the loneliness and the emptiness that is constantly in the background, waiting for a chance to pay you a visit. Making you desire that ordinary life you left behind. Sometimes freedom is its own prison....

Well, the first part? This ok for a while as it was the first time around. But 10 years ago I was a different person than I am now. In some ways better, in some ways not, as back then I was a lot more impetuous and lacking direction. My perfect love was out there and I was going to find her no matter what. It was the search, the journey and the chase that rang loud and clear within my soul. Of finally finding what you searched long and hard for and the joy that knew no bounds. That brief moment the entire universe stopped to watch the happiness of two people.

Now the second part to this equation is while I am moving on and enjoying the freedoms, deep inside I want to share it with a special someone so badly. Wanting to have that special someone, BUT not seeing or finding them. Looking and wondering but they aren't there. So, I don't look or quit looking. I go about my day to day routine and block it out, yet still the emptiness is there. I don't have the drive, the whatever you want to call it to pursue a long distance relationship as I did back then. God only knows how much money I spent burning up the roads. I loved to travel so it didn't matter to me back then. Well that was then, this is now.

So being in the position of enjoying freedom but wanting to have special someone to spend time with, but deep inside something is missing. A part of me I desperately need to find. Something(?) Someone(?) to bring these two lines of thought together...

No comments: