Watching the sun slowly set, the evening breezes come to play in the leaves of the pecan trees outside. Little by little eveningfall sets in and comes for her visit. Gentle prod to the senses of what is to come or what has been. Seeing things change so quickly in others lives while I stand without, wanting the same. Having been a part of something special myself, only to let it go. The questions still remain and I continue to offer answers from wherever I can find them. Hindsight is always so smug in its safety of being the first one to say "I told you so". Time still passing painfully and slowly, to let reality pass. At times it seems reality and dreams try to occupy the same place in my mind and heart. There was once a time and place when happiness was the normalcy in my life, yet of late I am here for the happiness of others as a friend. This, as before, is my lot in life. Praying for rain, remembering when and where. The feeling of holding your very own forever in your arms. Once so sincere and pure not seeing the lack of fortitude in myself until it was to late. Seeing the tears flow, burying every thought and every image deep inside. To afraid to have taken a chance. Images locked away to never see the sun again. But now locks are broken, the walls have fallen down and I sit among the rubble of what used to be me. My fortress of solitude has become my own prison..
If I am very still and in the quietness of eveningfall, I can hear the sound of a breaking heart .........my own.