alone and amazed...

Still caught between fire and ice of a life. Slowly heading towards a safe harbour, but sometimes I wonder if it will come. Reminded today how vulnerable I still am. Pierced by a friends words but the fault is mine and no other. Having something you greatly desire in life constantly elude you is one of the spices of life. It is a bittersweet taste for me and I am rethinking that maybe what I seek doesnt exist at all, but in my dream. This is a grave disappointment if it is true. The mind and heart are split on this subject. Is it to much to ask? Is it to much to hope? Is it to much to dream? I feel desolate as I stand bracing myself against this emtional onslaught. Feelings run the full length of my mind and heart. Constant ache deep within. Eveningfall is becoming the time to shut out everything and everyone. Being torn within from the want of something you dream about and desire to not wanting anything or anyone....anymore. Confusion reigns everywhere and I stand still not moving, not knowing where to go. Everything isnt is as it seems.....