Once and again.

Never said it was easy. Never has been but from time to time things fall into place. Unfortunately that time isn't now. Another Christmas has came and went. Family and a few friends nothing big, but their smiles are always welcome and cherished. Plenty of time for reflection and planning. Many things in flux for the new year. Its like pulling on the handle on a slot machine and waiting....and waiting. My thoughts have been so scattered that my writings don't come as easily if at all these days. Sitting staring at the screen with so much on my mind but things get lost from my mind to the keyboard. Only felt and not being able to convey. I could easily blame someone of recent memory but I have to be honest with myself. I was headed this way well over a year ago. Many realizations of myself this year. Wondering if the mental chains that bind are for my own good or a self imposed prison sentence. I realize the good that has come out of this year as well as the bad. Bad choices in life can really shake you to your core. Slowly learning to "trust myself" is slowly coming back. Learning to trust others not so much. Slowly a depressing "why bother" tries to seep in, but in the end its all good I guess. I will keep the wall fortified and smile as I pass through this life. One step at a time. One smile at a time. 

Once and again...