...back when

 

...tonight I sit quietly thinking of "back when." Wishing that I could have known back then what I know now. But that's just the way it works. So much time gone, me just stumbling my way through life and relationships with no clue of my direction, thinking I knew what I wanted what I was doing and leaving a path of bitterness behind. Now having both eyes opened I can clearly see and must sit and reminisce at what was and what could have been. A punishment of sorts that I deserve more than I can say and humbly and rightfully endure now. We reap what we sow and more. Scars by my own doing resulting in my undoing. Reading back over the entire blog and not much has changed except me getting older. Moments of realization, of happiness and goodbyes and then repeat process. I am alone, my fault as it has been before. Life of a wayfarer, knowing I really need some photography time on the back roads, I guess I am trying to find some elusive part of me I lost a long time ago, real or imagined. The needed escape for me, being in my element, unknown and a nobody. I still wonder about "what ifs" and "if onlys" and know that there is no going back...But tonight I sit here and remember,

 

...back when.