....solace and solitude. Slowly watching pieces of me fall apart, or maybe falling into place. I don't know which it may be, even if I did there's no strength to do anything about it. Carried by the current and at times being pulled under. Lost or just lost in paradise? No answer comes easy now and within myself there's in no escape as there once was. I have nothing left. All I feel is a cruel and wanting inside. I searched, held and then said goodbye . Walking away to learn lessons later but I cant do this anymore. Time is against me and while I see the preciousness of all around me its only in another persons happiness I find comfort, not my own. My punishment to watch another go where I cannot, or just a curse to never have that I seek, slowly destroying what I build by nothing but mere foolishness and want. No I see you. Wishing I could say I am sorry. Wishing maybe I never should have said hello, but the damage is done and I lay waste to everything I touch it seems. Expecting to much from myself. The mirror returns only blank stares now. Trusting..leaning..expecting and yet I seem to lose ground, inch by inch, day by day. Voices calling me, temporary solace for the mind but not the heart. Yet a mere touch, smile a kind word from inside seems so hard to find and I pull this cloak a little tighter and grow a little older and colder. Slowly hardening my shell. I am feeling the need to just walk away from all that I seek and want. It wouldn't be to hard at this juncture. I have been here in this empty place to many times. Age doesn't bring wisdom as I am living proof. So many voices call, some close and yet one thats
... far and away.