Monday, March 29, 2010

...goodbye friend

Finality..Reality..It has all come down to this. Hoping for the desired outcome and receiving nothing but goodbye in the end. In the bigger picture its ok and somewhere deep inside I knew this would happen and that's what makes me so angry with myself. Forsaken all others for the time to wait and deep inside knowing it was useless, but we all have to take a chance don't we. For all this you were worth it. We were not meant to be together and so you have made the choice that friendship can't survive in this environment. Sadly I concur. Our time "together" was forbidden, breaking the rules but still I have no regret for the most part. I didn't fight for you the first time, then the fight was taken out of me a second time. Whats the use in it all anyway. Years passed for us to arrive at this moment and for what? I look at the calender and notice seven years ago on this date I had "someone say hello", someone very special and now on this date it's goodbye from someone just as special, now leaving my life. For this I thank you for reminding me how miserable I have been. Bitterness that is surfacing isn't directed at you, just me, paying the price for being a fool..again. for hanging along for this insane ride. Aggravation is though as many tried to tell you including myself before hand of this mistake and now we are back at square one again. This once I should have said goodbye a long time ago and never looked back, but hindsight is always 20/20 eh? To love, to take that chance is something I would do all over again. Feeling used but it is I that used. All going back to hoping, wishing. Seems I have a way of wishing on the wrong star. Hurt? Deeply, but because you are returning to the "scene of the crime."... At least I was able to hear it from your lips..profession of love, but also and sadly goodbye, all in the same week. You will remain deep inside but time bids doors closed, locks placed and sealed. No more "if only" or "only if'" from this day forward. Nothing but the best is all I wish for you.

I really hope he was worth it......Goodbye my friend.....


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