Wednesday, June 24, 2009

loved much..hurt even more..

Taking a chance, paying the price. To a point that I cant even trust my own judgment anymore. Then again no one saw it coming this time. Seeking something real and thinking I had found it but deep inside I already knew. I was a stepping stone and nothing more for someone. Surprised that I didn't see the signs sooner, but all comes down to "goodbye" once again. I am empty inside. Having gave everything and received nothing in return. Maybe this is where I need to be for now. Feeling vulnerable to some extent and not liking it. Wishing my fortress of solitude was in reach but for now it is to distant to reach. Maybe soon if time bid me godspeed I shall return to renew myself. Just as quickly as someone walks in or out of your life, happiness begins or ends, things change and one finds themselves in unfamiliar territory. Moments seem to last forever, a cruel tapestry hanging low in back of ones mind. Seeking a smile, a song and hearing the distant music of anothers happiness is enough to prod me on. It shall find me one day. But in light of recent times I cant say that I feel up to the task. Has this elusive person crossed my path already and I remain unaware? Lessons yet to be learned? My heart refuses to ponder any thoughts for a while as the mind still fights to find reason in the past events. Some things just cant be explained and there is no method to another madness. The heart only feels but cant see. blind trust and love, leaving all else to the mind, to guide...

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