me..

Nudged forward by a simple single comment from a friend tonight..

I, being the one, to say goodbye in my life. The people who I have found and kept close there was always something to come between us and I would be the one to say goodbye. Protecting my heart from as much hurt as possible? Being considered a mistake by one and a something God sent by another. Regardless in the end it doesn't really matter does it. Someone said goodbye. that someone being me. Sometimes this fight isn't worth fighting when you can guess, almost taste the outcome ahead of time. But something keeps pulling me. Hope. Curiosity. Wondering what is around the next bend. The fear of being alone and not being loved. The fear of not knowing and saying goodbye again to that which I have waited for. The fortitude within myself not being there when I need it the most. Looking behind me and seeing two failed marriages. Picking through the bits and pieces of memories lying across my mind. Time slowly fades each one but the lessons learned are still fresh. Even at that, excuses are all I can muster. Relationships through the years and still no closer to the answer now..Who am I? As for that I know the answer.

I said goodbye..