watching...

Watching the familiar slowly fade as time and distance play their part. Bittersweet in taste are the tears, the memories that slowly slip from the bonds of my minds eye. Seeing that I can make no headway by chasing the past. The mind slowly regains the upper hand. Seeing that I made my choice long ago and I must live with it. The past can't be changed but the present can be brought to a halt by a misplaced emotion as it is now. Slowly going over these images and feelings that I let go free so suddenly without cause. Time for all to be placed under heavy lock and key. Trying for a moment to relive the past, reaching out with nothing or no one to reach back. Once again I play the fool. With no future it is easy for the heart to reach back and seek what it had. The mind must reign in this wanderer. The heart must not rule the mind. Once this happens it is more addictive than any drug. The chase, the pursuit of what you think you want. I lived a life like this a long time ago. I am not that person now and the eventual outcome is still the same even today... broken lives, broken hearts,wasted time and spirit.

This last event was a step toward closure but in order for time to heal this wound I must step back and out of the way. Somewhere deep inside something will not let go. Walking around during day to day life a small dull aches remains constant. I have to concentrate on other things. A lesson I never learned was to be alone and be happy. Where this lesson will take me I have no idea. I must move up and onward. The bottom line is that there is something I want very badly and I cant control when or where. I have held something I dreamed about and said goodbye. Now I want that chance to make everything right next time. I now realize I must earn this. Things that precious are not just given away....... but next time it will be even more precious. Dare I dream.