Tuesday, April 15, 2008

the truth is out there...

This trip started out as a mere photo shoot and video shoot. After a long drive Saturday night to Dalton Georgia I stopped to rest my weary mind. Sleep was elusive as my mind was constantly wondering, planing, thinking about the next days events........ I had a place on my mind as I awoke to a cold and windy Sunday morning. My destination was on the other side of the state and held a place deep within my heart. After shooting a few spots I would leave as quietly as I came. I noticed the closer I got the harder my heart pounded and a feeling of elation but of dread filled my mind. What was I expecting to see? I began to see landmarks, places and beautiful scenes that I walked through in another life. The road led me past her home as well as her families home. At this site a flood of emotion as well as heartache hit me. I continued on finally arriving at my first destination. Just a small covered bridge beside the road. Used long ago to cross a small creek, but now just a place where people come to profess their love with ink, paint and carvings. Inside was a small written "profession of love" of sorts and a promise I made six years earlier. I stood outside, remembering everything, feeling, tasting everything all over again, wishing now to have taken another path. Hindsight is so safe and wise when viewed in this light, or so it would seem. After a few minutes a trying to remember where we had written our "moment of remembrance" A young man walked up and saw me with my cameras and made a comment about the paintings and names and the dates on them. I smiled and mentioned that's what love can do to people. I then told him that somewhere on this wall was my name with another below mine . He smiled and said "Love can do that too ya, cant it". I responded "Yes, but then again, driving 400 miles just so you can run your fingers over the spot where you wrote and professed your love for someone 6 years after saying goodbye, love can do that too." The look on his face was priceless. I spent a little while watching the water flow under the bridge and then began looking for the "our" place on the wall. Going by memory I finally found it, sadly it was no longer there. Time and the elements had worn it way and this hurt me deeply. I slowly rubbed the spot with my hand and turned to go. I stopped and turned around. I started to write something in its place but decided not too. Tears were teasing my eyes and I decided its best to leave.

I looked at my map and looked for the quickest way to my next stop, just a few miles away. I noticed a small county road and decided to follow it as it looked like a short cut. The road got worse as I went on but I came across this small spot
Not to long after that I arrived at my final destination for this area. My mind couldn't take to much more of this. I walked down to the lake and looked for the spot where six years before two people sat huddled under an umbrella laughing at the rain and wondering what the future held. As I walked to edge of the thicket leading to the lake I noticed that weeds had overtaken a lot of the area. I walked down and stood where I had almost six years to the day, looking at the mountain....... Remembering I looked for the little bench and it wasn't there. After a little searching I found where it once was. All that remained was the metal supports. Sitting there as if waiting for something. I slowly touch one of the metal supports and laughter once again rings in my mind, the gentle rain falls and I am lost for an instant. I snapped a quick couple of picture not knowing if I will ever venture this way again or if it will be here if I do. At this point everything is a blur. I drive back into town to get gas, get something to eat(quickly) as I feel everyone is looking at me and wondering why I am here. "Everywhere" is a memory and all I think of is that "I said goodbye" and that now I want to say I am sorry so badly. I have to leave as this isn't turning out as I had planned. I thought things would be different but apparently not. I drove out of town headed north as the mountains of North Carolina were calling...
Time can heal all wounds but it isn't my place to hasten this. Time moves and flows at it's own whim not mine. As for the "the truth" in all this. Everything has moved on but me. Time moves on, people change. Memories are a good thing and in my case thats all thats left. At this point you might ask
"Why visit there"? Well, I wanted to revisit some beautiful places that I had avoided for while and thought I could handle it. Guess I wasnt ready yet.
"Did you see anyone who knew you, did you see her"? No, I saw no one that knew me and for this I am glad. I made no effort to contact anyone while I was there. I did not see her or try to contact her. Thats one line I will never cross.
"You need to really move on". Yes, and this was a step in doing that. Yes, maybe one day there will be someone in my life that can make me forget.

"Love can do that too ya, cant it"....Yeah, love has a way of doing that to ya"..........

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