thoughts are all I have to do..

Everyday I seek to escape the shackles of my past, begging time bid me release. Wanting to move on but unable to and this is most frustrating. I cant move forward and to go back is not an option. I feel caught in a purgatory of invalidity. Even at my best I come up so short and find myself wanting. There are the times when I can see clearly, memories of a past, a person I used to be. Wondering what changes have been made within myself since then. To be held and told that you are loved is something that is missed so greatly, but now I find myself becoming untrusting and even more so not trusting myself. Twice now. Thinking that I had found my forever and slowly watching it change into never. My life seems to been spent with "almost" and "if only." Certainty is something I don't believe exists for me for I am beginning to wonder "what" or "who" I am now. Ten years ago you visited me in my dreams for the first time. It's almost ten years later and I still don't know who you are. I will wait. I don't have a choice.