Tonight finds my mind and heart at odds with each other. No surprise as this is a constant in my life. More times than not when they are at odds there is a peace of some sort but peace is long gone. Wounds that refuse to heal, exacerbated by costly and foolish mistakes made one to many times. Frustrated at my inability to move forward. An ordinary life seems so elusive and seems to be a nonexistent choice for me. This year has flown by so quickly and I have nothing to show for it other than more scars. As the days have passed it seems my drive and energy have passed with it. The open road is calling in a few days with photography work and sadly I have to force myself to do that which I once loved and lived for. Is it the need for someone to be with me or the need to be needed or to have someone regardless? Having mistaken love for lust one to many times and again pieces of me are taken and wasted. In the end its nobody's fault but mine. Trying to slowly calibrate over time and see what is real and what is not real. Finally reaching the point in my life that I have absolutely no idea nor clue of what I am doing. At this point in my life I have no direction, no true north.