Saturday, December 1, 2007
Once and again....
So where do I start? A familiar place from a long ago memory. Wondering if I am the wiser this time. Feelings run the length of my mind and chaos is a daily event. Trying to balance sanity but pulled into two directions. Feelings of old of "what if" and consumed by the reality of "what is." Waiting for movement over the last weeks but nothing. A smile, a loving gesture, nothing more. Rebuilding of ruins that will remain such. Ruins. Turning a brave face to everyone around me but dying a little bit each day. Hiding behind a smile and camera lens. Wearing despair as a cloak. Wondering "Why?" To many questions and to many answers, all of which dig deeper into open wounds. Time will pass at its on whim as will the healing that will come. I have to walk this way. No choice but to go through. Remembering the heartaches and loves past. Finding... losing. I am not ready...Soul seeking shelter. So many words held back for so long....no more.
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2 comments:
Taking this first step is wonderful... (hug)
No more mask, Rick, take it off and start talking.
Reading this post made me almost cry.
I feel your pain and I can imagine with your job how you are out their trying to save those that are hurting and inside you are feeling pain and how nice it would be if someone could come along and take that away just as easily.
It won't be easy. It will take time and there are always going to be the what if's and it will drive you insane to think if you could've changed things had you done it another way. I know, I have been looking for the elusive time machine but have yet to find it.
I am happy to see you are writing. You are obviously hurting, it saddens me. Hopefully this will be good for you. (((Hugs)))
It's a good thing that you share this with us....
You'll never walk alone...
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